What’s the hardest thing for a woman to express? It’s certainly not “I’m sorry.” Most of us say “Sorry!” a gazillion times a day, for no other reason than to apologize for taking up space…
I don’t think it’s “I love you.”…
The thing I know, without a doubt, is that the hardest thing for a woman to express – is her true needs and desires – without apology. “I want this for myself.”
We are so good at figuring out what others needs and wants are, and circling around that.
But when it comes to ourselves, it can be hard to figure out even our simplest desires, without the reflection of some other’s needs.
So say out loud after me, “What I really want right now, more than anything else in this moment is _________________________________________.
You fill in the blank with whatever you want:
quiet, space, a hug, sex, a nap, time-off, a promotion, a new job, a new partner, to eat healthier, to feel better in your body…
Now close your eyes and say it again, out loud.
Does it feel possible? Or like a pipe dream? Does it feel empowering, or scary?
Is there anything getting in the way of you saying what you want, and getting it?
These are the things I’ve seen myself and other women struggle with:
- the needs of family, partner, colleagues, and community come first.
- the fear of appearing selfish, self centered or uncaring if you put your desires first, or even second or third!
- the fear that if you drop your role of caretaker for everyone else and focus on yourself, even for an hour, you’ll lose the love and respect people have for you.
- idea that you are not worthy of having what you want.
Getting in touch with what you want is the first step.
Being able to say what you want is the second step.
Taking action, and getting what you want is the third step.
Why is it important to go through all this?
Because until women take the reins and become the directors of their own lives, we will always be second, or last, and we will always be victims. And that’s the hardest thing for women right now.
So putting yourself first, as difficult as that may be, is the most important thing you can do for yourself, and as it turns out, for everyone else.